Lonely hands grab a suitcase full of nothing

Well I have been here pretty much 2 months now.  Maybe a few days short, but we'll call it two months, haha.  It has been a very interesting last two months.  I have smelled new smells, seen new sites, met new people and felt new feelings.  As it is with all new experiences some good and some not so desirable.  

I have come a long ways from when I first arrived.  Two months doesn't seem that long in regards to the other 10 I have left before I can come home, but a lot can happen in a person's life in such a short amount of time.  It seems that I have experienced a lot of sorrow and frustration in such a short amount of time.  I have been sick seemingly more times than I can count.  I have gotten into fights with friends, co-workers and even random embassy workers.  I have experienced a loneliness that I have not felt in a very long time.  I've even lost a dear friend and sister in Christ in these last two months.  Despite all of that I have experienced the faithfulness of God as He has met me here in a way that I have been searching for for a long long time.  When I think back on my life, I see a huge change, as anyone should, in how I view the world.  Some things I liked what I saw, other things I really didn't.  I have become much more cynical as the years have passed.  It seems that the joy that I once had about living life was only a glimmer of the roaring flame that it used to be.  "What has happened to me?!?!?!" I kept thinking.  I chalked it up to simply growing older, it's how everyone gets.  But I don't wanna be like everyone else.  I want to be different.  I always want to be an exception to the world's "rules" of growing old.

Well, I am happy to report that as I said before, God has met me here in a very beautiful way.  I feel my eyes open and my hunger for righteousness and truth begin to roar in my heart, and with it has come a passion for living, for excellence, for encouragement that I have yearned for for so long.  I am not ready to share at this point what it was that brought about the change, but for those of you that are in the same boat as I was/am, don't give up!  Keep pressing forward, the seeds that you are planting now will grow up one day.  It's a gift that I believe God wants to give each of His children, and we should not be meek in asking for it, nor should we grow weary in our persistence of pleading at His feet for the seemingly mythical joy that "surpasses all understanding".  How many of you reading this can honestly say that you always feel that joy?  I hope all of you!  But if you can't honestly say that then land on your knees and beg God for it.  He loves you and He won't hold back!  There is more to it than that as I have learned...but that is another topic for another time.  But trust me, it's there for the taking!  

I believe that the gifts of God are as unwavering as His nature is.  Comfort, contentment, joy, righteousness, all the fruits of the spirit.  They do not rise and fall with the tides of this world, but remain constant, and if we are running after these things (which in essence is running after Christ and His character) then we will become solid people.  A beacon for others that are drowning in the ups and downs of this "roller coaster" of life.

Another thing that I have learned is that I should have expected the opposition I have faced here in Korea.  If you look at the life of David, every time God gave him something worth fighting for, worth living for, his enemies flooded him.  But every man that has ever lived that has a strength of character worth admiring has been put through the ringer, and has the scars to prove it.  "The steps that lead to thrones are stained with spattered blood, and scars are the price for scepters.  We will wrestle our crowns off the giants we conquer." L.B. Cowman.  I love this quote, because it tells me that one of the surest ways of knowing we are on the right path is by the level of opposition to get there.

I desire to be a man of God, strong and capable of great tenderness and love, but in the same capacity the strength to lead nations.  I believe that they go hand in hand.  So I can honestly say, bring the hard times on!  This year will be full of challenges, but my eyes are open and my heart is ready.  I know I'm not alone.  

A hero is not fed on sweets,

Daily his own heart he eats;

Chambers of the great are jails,

And head winds right for royal sails.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Crowns are cast in crucibles, and the chains of character found at the feet of God are forged in earthly flames. - L.B. Cowman