First of all Korea, the smell, all I can say is AWFUL. Yes, you heard me, awful...from the moment I stepped onto this "sacred soil" I have been covering my nose. Whenever I get a cold and my nose gets clogged up it is a love hate relationship. On the one hand I want to be comfortable and I like to be able to breathe through my nose, on the other I am thankful that I don't have to take in any of the wretched stink that is Korea.
My family ate some Kimchi in my honor on Christmas eve (Kimchi is what makes everything and everyONE smell so bad...) it was so wretched that they had to stick the left overs outside. So not only does it taste bad but it also smells bad too. I guess it is one of those things that you have to eat from when you are a baby to actually be able to appreciate it.
This kimchi that they eat at breakfast lunch and dinner permiates through every orphis in the Korean's body, sending off a stink that is bound to be eating away at the ozone layer. Seriously people, if anything is causing global warming it's the odor that these people spew from every hole in their body 24/7. I sat next to this one man on the subway who, I am convinced is responsible for the mild winter we are having BY HIMSELF!! I actually got off the train and waited for another train to come by. It was that bad. A friend of mine told me after I complained about how bad it smelled, "oh come on, you know you love these people...!" Love the sinner and hate the sin, that's all I have to say about that...
That is only one of my many complaints, but for the sake of time I will leave it at that...secondly Japan. Now Japan doesn't smell as bad, while they still eat Kimchi it must be a dumbed down version of it because I haven't been as repulsed so far. However, I do have one major complaint about Japan's so called "safety regulations" when it comes to the cross walk.
I don't know about the rest of you, but when I see the little man light up all green and glorious it means that it is finally SAFE for me to walk across. Apparently that is not the case in Japan. More like the OPPOSITE of safe! I had more cars coming at me when I tried to walk when it was green than I saw when it was red! I almost got hit like 11 times in just two crossings! So if you ever go to Japan I suggest scoping out the area and get a hotel that you will spend the most time on that side of the street first. All I can gather is that the little green light only assures me that I won't get a ticket for my poor decision to try and cross the road.
While I am completely serious about what I wrote about above I will be a little more somber now. Things in Korea have not been what I expected them to be, incase you hadn't figured that out already...spending Christmas away from friends and family was one of the harder things I have had to do in a while. I am honestly thankful that Christmas is over so that I won't have to dread it anymore. I didn't think that it would be that big of a deal, but it really was. I guess that no matter how much I fight being a "homebody" it's exactly what I am. I'm a country boy through and through and I belong where there are mountains, cook outs and sweet tea.
However, I can't say that I regret my decision to come, because God has already been working on my heart, from the first few days I got here He has given me a desire to renew my mind and to fight for the joy I had once found but somehow lost in Him. I have been reading all kinds of books on grace and love and the character of God that has truly been reshaping my heart and mind to what kind of a God I have decided to follow, the God that I have chosen to spend my life falling in love with. I can't say that I have sought after God the way that I ought to, and by putting it off for so long I know I have missed out on a lot of things, but I'm getting back on track and for that I am incredibly grateful. This last week however God has been pressing upon my heart one thing in particular that I'd like to share with everyone, and that is contentment.
I am not a very content person, flat out. This "virtue" doesn't come easy nor naturally in any way for me. It seems that no matter where I go or what I do I always wanna be doing something else, being someone else, or living somewhere else. This unsetteled sense of disbelonging has led me through several different jobs and states and even countries. Every time I would say, "this is it...I've found it...finally I will be happy, finally Ill be settled, finally I'll be CONTENT in life." However that isn't the case. Contentment is an issue of the heart, and the heart doesn't change with location, or occupation, it only SEEMS like it does. These things typically become a distraction from dealing with our hearts.
I thought that moving furniture, or waiting tables, or working in a group home, or a car salesman, whatever it was that I was doing was somehow not enough. I told myself it wasn't enough for God, that He deserved more from me. However, as I have learned over this last month and a few odd weeks is that is a lie that I have believed, and many of us do believe, it's one of the easier lies to welcome into our hearts and minds. It makes sense right? God has gifted me this way, or my desires are this, or I have a college degree, what in the world am I doing being a pack mule for some two bit moving company? Well...the truth is that it IS enough. It's enough for God. Therefore, who am I to say that it isn't enough for me? Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe that we should become complacent with where we are at, nor with what we are doing. God has gifted us in different ways, but just because you aren't doing exactly what you WISH you were doing, don't think that you are somehow letting God down. When we really believe that, and realize that God is taking pleasure in us then we can be satisfied knowing that we need not do anything else to feel God's favor on us.
The other thing that I have learned along the same lines is that contentment is a CHOICE. I have never really thought of it that way. The verse that has been playing in my head over and over again is Phillippians 4:11-13: "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. I any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Perhaps some of you are going, "yeah yeah yeah...I know that one...give me some REAL incite Kelly..." Well that IS real incite! The key word there is "learned". It isn't something that we are naturally born with, we have to figure it out, contentment is a learned condition of the heart! And if it is learned then you must first CHOOSE to learn it.
I must confess once more that I have not chosen contentment. I have chosen to be discontent, and discontentment takes many forms. While I have not figured it all yet, nor can I truthfully say that I am completely content right now. However, I am going to continue to pray to learn what contentment means, and how to get it. I miss my friends and my family and normal food an awful lot. I miss hopping in my car and going for a drive with the windows down and the music blasting. I miss trudging through the wet lawn to Danny's house hoping I don't step in dog poop in my bare feet. I miss watching Friday Night Lights at Mark's house on Wednesday nights. I miss coming home and relaxing with mom and dad, talking about the day. I hate knowing that I am here in Korea and I have to watch my niece grow up on a webcam. So many things that I could continue to dwell upon, things that make every day here harder than I ever thought it would be. But life goes on, and so do people. I can only pray that while I am gone I can grow in Christ and learn to be content no matter what the circumstances. To find the joy that transcends my income, occupation or even being single. I have too much to be thankful for, too much to learn, too much to joy to find in this life to waste my time being discontent.
Thank you all for reading and God Bless all my friends back home, I will see you all before you know it!
Much love
Kelly
7 comments:
"Contentment is an issue of the heart, and the heart does not change with location or occupation..." I really needed to hear that today. There are so many other places I'd rather be, things I'm longing to do. Thank you for sharing what God has been teaching you, it was so very refreshing to hear a candid perspective on such things and not someone who thinks they have all the answers to life's problems ;) I can't wait to hear more of what you are learning. I'd love to hear what some of the books are that you've been reading as well.
Hey Kelly!
I had no idea you were in Korea for a year! What are your responsibilities? Who did you go with? When you come back to the staes you will have come to Winston Salem/Lexington to see your Ecuadorian friends!
We miss you at Faith! Take care. I can't wait to read more blogs.
Kelly, excellent post. Your thoughts really challenged me. We love you & miss you.. (this is Matt) Keep pressing on... Its encouraging and motivating to me.
You know Kelly, the cool thing about being honest is that it opens us up to letting God teach us lessons we sometimes never knew we needed to learn. Being here in Korea hit me hard too. I missed so many things and even Korea's attempts at being western are so sub-standard. And with a seemingly backwards culture, there are few moments when life seems comfortable, or just easy. NOTHING is easy here. Going to the grocery store takes full concentration. And while everything else is different, awkward, or smelly and dirty, God is still consistently faithful. Isn't that so cool? And furthermore, if we truly claim that the family of God is world-wide, and that all people are worthy of love and service...then what a better chance for us to share in that reality? I believe that if you keep being honest, humble, and curious, you'll end up feeling a mysterious love for this place. That's how it's been for me. It's hard to even explain. It's nowhere close to "home" and it doesn't even make my list of "favorite places i've visited". But somehow, my life has been changed by the chaos, the hassle, the strange culture, the kimchi, the stench, the herd mentality, the sick hacking spitting people everywhere, the lack of medium-cooked burgers, the absence of the stars, and the thick smog that coats each day... I guess I pray the same thing for you.
Your words on contentment are good ones. Thanks for sharing.
-April
There isn't one of us ( if we're honest) who can't relate to your words on contentment. Too many times we waste days worrying about being good enough instead of taking joy in where we are and what God is doing. Bless you for sharing. Looking forward to riding along and learning from your journey.
Hey Kelly!
Thanks for writing this...it is so well-written :D And very true, and something I'm always having to work on. It sounds like moving there has really been a struggle, but hang in there, it def. sounds like it's where God wants you to be! Miss you! Take care friend!
Great stuff Cannonball. I hope all is well and I hope your contentment doesn't reach its culmination until we are in glory with our Lord and Savior.
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